Motherhood

"Mothers are all slightly insane." - J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye

Reading this was like being throat punched with truth knuckles. I now realize that while I may feel exhausted all the time, it's but a small part of the bigger picture; I'm just a little bit insane.

On Friday, I actually cried on the floor. I curled up in a ball and cried for 2 minutes, before getting up to vacuum the stairs in an attempt to center myself. Who acts like that?

Well.... I guess I do.

Spending any time on facebook had me thinking that most moms just laugh the bad days off with witty puns, or the hours of screaming were matched by calm mommy resolve to make it better. Did other moms feel isolated and hopeless sometimes? Were there days when they thought they were the biggest mess in the world, and their poor child was going to be forever damaged by their inability to be a high functioning, rational adult? Was I willing to reach out and ask anyone about it? Not really.

But then, one day, I did. And then I did it again another day. I've had some amazing conversations with other moms about parenthood, and the personal challenges they've faced along the way. I wasn't told to just suck it up and deal with it. I was never made to feel as though I was wading around in a mess created by my own ineptitude.

We're female gladiators, fending off physical attacks from pint sized monsters; we're therapist to the sometimes mute and impatient; we're audience to the most hilarious comedians on the planet; we're the safety blanket when life is a little bit too threatening to do it alone; we're the maid that cleans up all the little accidents, and the not so accidents; we're the chef that always get the most terrible reviews; we're the nurse even when we're also the patient; we're the insanity that they'll remember forever.

Parenting is a balancing act. You need to make sure your child's needs are being met, while making sure that your relationships are being nurtured. And don't, for a second, think that it's okay to neglect the relationship you have with yourself. I know I fall prey to forgetting this, or I write it off as being 'selfish' behaviour. But, a happier me is a happier mom.



Sometimes you need to fall down to learn how to balance.



I guess I just fell down for a minute. Time to get up and try again.



*Side note: There are people who might criticize or judge you as a parent. They might even be moms themselves. I'm focusing this blog on the positive responses, because they are more prevalent than the negatives. Sometimes we just get too wrapped up in the negative, because it highlights all the most insecure thoughts that we've had.

Be candid with your non-mom friends too. I've found some pretty solid support from people who can empathize with struggles that I'm facing as an individual.

Random

I think today is going to be random day. It soon became clear that the internet was conspiring against me and my attempt to find a meaningful word of the day for my blog. My first search attempt brought me fomite (even spell check is telling me this word is bonkers).

Fomite is an object (as a dish or an article of clothing) that may be contaminated with infectious organisms and serve in their transmission. Try to remember that the next time someone tries to poison you with their tainted food. 

My second search attempt brought me kamikaze. I haven't been feeling particularly reckless or self destructive lately, so this didn't apply either. 

I switched to searching for quotes after my first two attempts bombed. I got this:

"When birds burp, it must taste like bugs." - Bill Watterson 

It's so profound! So.... Perfect! 





Okay, I'm reaching here. In all honesty, I grew lazy and picked the third option for the amusement it provided at 7:30am. So, when life gives you lemons (or burping birds), you better make some pie! 

I just realized this is my first post since turning 32. Way to keep it mature and sensible, huh?! Yeah, that's what I thought too. If you can't have a little fun now and then, what's the point?

Maybe I'll take this as a lesson to simplify things a little bit, and make a point of doing something silly or fun each day. Tomorrow I'll start by hiking up a mountain with my husband. 

32 will be a great year.... I can feel it.